An Angel with a Gun Read online

  Now our village, just like most villages in Thailand, knew how to throw a party. The whole of Porn’s Soi (street) was decorated. Okay, there were only five houses in the Soi and they were just shacks made from wood and tin and large canvas advertising sheets that helped to keep the rain out. Porn had two advertising sheets over her house. One was advertising Colgate toothpaste, which was a bit ironic because Porn was orally challenged when it came to the number of teeth she actually had, which you could count on one finger. The other advertising sheet was for Cola and I don’t want to comment on that for fear of being sued. The Soi itself was just a dirt track that had been cut through the jungle, probably when Porn was a little girl. Anyway the whole Soi was decorated. Beer and whisky was stock piled and a vast amount of food was prepared. A pig had been slaughtered and cooked and, of course, there were a lot of fish dishes. A marquee had been hired and set up along with several giant speakers that were piled high on top of each other. The music had started at 6 am on the day of Pom’s arrival even though she wasn’t due to arrive until 6 pm, some 12 hours later. Once the music started so did the drinking. Food was consumed all day long and, as each dish was finished, it was replaced by a new one. A lot of the ladies from the village were cooking all day long. It was a huge social event and you could feel the excitement and happiness in the air. As 6 pm edged slowly nearer and nearer my own heart was jumping. But that could have been because I was sitting too close to the huge speakers that were actually shaking the ground.

  Just after 6 pm there was a stir of movement and lots of excited shouts amongst the villagers and everyone started to move to the end of the Soi. The old wooden bus spluttered and came to a stop and the only passenger on it was Pom. I watched her step off the bus. She was wearing a bright yellow dress cut just below the knee. Her hair was long and loosely tied up and she had yellow and white flowers in it. She had a touch of make up on and she looked like a model from a magazine. She had an amazing figure. She was a woman now - a beautiful woman. The most beautiful woman who I had ever seen. She walked towards the crowd as they ran to greet her. Her smile was nothing short of dazzling. She took my breath away.

  “Oh, my God” I whispered to myself under my breath. She had left as a schoolgirl and returned as a princess.

  Pom graciously moved through the crowd towards her great grandmother, Porn. And then in her fine clothes she laid herself down at the feet of Porn in the highest show of respect. Pom and Porn were both crying as she wai’d to Porn. She got to her feet and the two women embraced as the crowd clapped and cheered. Then Pom saw me and ran over to me and once again laid herself on the ground before me. It was a show of deep respect that I was not worthy of. I wanted to pick her up and hug her but, of course, I could not touch any woman because I was a monk. I wasn’t even supposed to touch myself. Sometimes I hated this job! She looked into my eyes and smiled.

  “I have missed you so much and I think about you every day” she said.

  When she was a young schoolgirl she used to look at me and smile so shyly and blush. Now it was my turn for the nervous shy smiles and the blushes.

  “Oh!” I said. If I had tried to say anything else I think I would have started crying too.

  The party went on. Pom went inside her great grandmother’s shack and changed into jeans and a tee shirt, before coming back out to join the party to share gossip and stories with all her friends about life in Bangkok. There was much laughter and a lot of love and respect for Pom. She was making her way in the world and everyone was proud of her. I watched Porn sitting on a concrete bench looking at Pom. She had tears in her eyes, but they were tears of happiness and love. She caught me looking at her and she smiled and nodded and whispered a ‘Thank you’ to me. I nodded back. I stayed for another 20 minutes and then made my way back to the temple. My head was full of thoughts and they were all about Pom. Was I falling in love with her? The villagers were all going to come to the temple with Pom in the morning for a formal blessing, but they had been drinking all day and the music went on all night, so I didn’t know how many people would actually turn up. I lay on my mat in my own little wooden hut in the grounds of the temple. I could hear the music from the party and I couldn’t stop thinking about Pom. If I ever needed guidance from Buddha then it was now. Did he want me to be a monk and help the people or did he want me to be happy and have a life with Pom? That is, of course, if she wanted me. But I had always known that Pom loved me and the look in her eyes told me that she still did. The only difference now was that I think I loved her too. I found myself thinking about Richard Chamberlain the actor. He was in a TV series called The Thorn Birds, which my mum used to watch when I was a kid. He was a priest, but he fell in love with a beautiful girl. If I couldn’t get my answers from Buddha then maybe I could get them from Richard Chamberlain. But I couldn’t remember what he did in the end….I think he ended up shagging the girl. I’ll try and get my answers from Buddha! I didn’t sleep very much and what sleep I did get came in fits and starts!

  I didn’t have to worry about any of the villagers making it to the temple. The women were there before it got light and were busy preparing food. By the state of some of the men I think they had come straight from the party. Pom arrived with Porn at 6:30am and she looked simply beautiful. I think I knew at that moment that I was in love with her. I think I probably always had been, but what was I going to do about it? I had no clue. My experiences with women were extremely limited - limited to the point of being pretty much non-existent. Anyway, we had the service and I made the blessings. Then we all sat down to eat. I had to sit with the men on one of the long mats and the women sat across the temple room on another mat. The children ran around and sat anywhere they wanted to. I had to start eating first because I was the monk and, after that, everyone joined in. Pom had sat down opposite to me and we were facing each other. I didn’t know if it was just a lucky accident or if she had planned it, but it made me very happy and we kept glancing at each other a lot. We smiled at each other a lot too, but I think that we were both being very careful not to let anyone see us. At one point one of the men did see me smiling, so I pretended that it was trapped wind and managed to force out a fart. I think I got away with it. After the food people drifted away. Some of the women stayed to clear up and wash the dishes. I went to sit outside in the shade underneath the huge Banyan tree. Pom and Porn came and sat with me.

  “Don’t you think she looks beautiful?” asked Porn.

  “Yes I do. I always knew that she would be beautiful.”

  Pom smiled and blushed slightly. Whenever we looked into each other’s eyes it felt as if something was happening. Something exciting and dangerous, but I didn’t know if Pom felt it too. We talked about what Pom was going to do with her time back in the village and what she wanted to do after university. I can’t really remember everything she said. I found myself just watching her mouth. It was as beautiful as the rest of her and I kept wondering what it would be like to kiss her. I didn’t have a beautiful mouth so I doubted if she was thinking the same thing about me.

  “Would you like to come fishing with us tomorrow?” Pom suddenly asked.

  “With who?”

  “Me and Mama.” Pom always called Porn ‘Mama’, although she wasn’t actually her mother.

  “Yes, that would be nice.” Wow! I was so happy that she had asked me. It must have meant that she wanted to spend time with me, or maybe she was just being polite, or just being friendly. Women can be such cunning and clever creatures. What chance has any man got in the battle of the sexes? Porn just smiled. We had just spoken in English, but I think she understood.

  We went fishing early the next morning. We sat in the shade of a crooked old tree and fished the edge of one of the smaller lakes. I could hear the birds singing in the trees. Pom had made some fishing rods out of long sticks and we spent a very pleasant few hours fishing and relaxing. I wanted to say so much to Pom,
but I didn’t actually say much at all. I just listened to Porn and Pom chatting and I watched Pom. I smiled every time she did and it was a lot!

  After a couple of hours I left the women to it and I went back to the temple. I wandered around the temple, looking at what I had built. It was finished now. It was a beautiful temple, but it was finished and I had to question myself. Was my work here also finished or was I just hoping that it was, so that I could spend my life with Pom? I didn’t even know if she was thinking and feeling the same way about me and I knew I was stupid to be thinking about these things - but I just couldn’t stop! I was in love with the girl and falling more in love by the day. It felt like I was just waiting for the emotional storm to break. I knew it was coming. That was for sure. I kept praying to Buddha to send me a sign so that I would know what to do.

  That evening Porn came to see me at the temple, her twisted stooped body taking small steps on frail old legs and using her long sticks to stop herself toppling over. She was a comforting sight silhouetted in the moonlight. It seemed as if she had already lived forever. I had already put the padlock on the wooden gates and as I watched her try and climb over them I couldn’t help but think to myself,

  ‘She could hurt herself doing that!’

  She managed it after several more minutes and I had finished drinking my tea by the time she hobbled up to me.

  “Why is there a padlock on the gates?” she asked, with her usual toothless smile.

  “I found a padlock and thought that I might as well use it.”

  “That’s the padlock off the charity box” she said.

  “I wondered where that had gone!”

  “Would you like a cup of tea?” I said, changing the subject.

  “I’d love one, thank you.”

  “I’ll have one with you while you are at it. Two sugars please.”

  She sighed a deep sigh at the thought of having a nice cup of tea and I watched her slowly hobble off towards the kitchen area. I had to wait over 20 minutes before she came back with two cups of tea. She had spilt most of it and what was left wasn’t as hot as it could have been. It can’t be easy for a woman of her age to carry two cups of tea when she has to use two sticks to walk, but I just smiled and nodded. Her heart was in the right place, so I decided not to tell her off.

  My own body clock awoke me every morning at 5 am. It was still dark until

  6 am when the sun would come up over the beautiful blue mountains across the lake. I always loved that part of the day. It was the coolest part of the day and without doubt the most beautiful part of the day. It always made me feel happy to be alive. I would always shower before I watched the sun come up. My bathroom was very basic to say the least. I had a squat toilet and a blue plastic barrel which I used both for showering and for flushing the squat toilet. It was all housed inside a tin shed. I had also made myself a jungle shower, which I much preferred. I had an old bucket with little holes in the bottom. I filled it with water and then hoisted it up to the branch of a tree with a rope. The water trickled out and I had a shower. I used bamboo screens to protect my privacy. OK! So it wasn’t a ‘Power Shower’. In fact it felt more like a puppy piddling on me, but I loved that shower. After I dressed in a clean saffron coloured robe I would walk around the village and gather alms. A lot of the villagers would follow me back to the temple where some of the ladies would already be cooking even more food and we’d all sit down to eat after I had said some prayers and blessed everyone. There was always a lot of chatter and laughing and I would listen in on the village gossip and try not to laugh. It was always the most wonderful start to the day in the simple life that I was leading.

  Pom had been back in the village for only a couple of days and each day I was getting more happy and excited to see her again. I was a bit worried when she didn’t come to the temple with Porn that day. I looked at Porn with a quizzical look, but she made no response. I tried to look even more quizzical by raising my eyebrows, but there was still no response from Porn. I had to wait until after everyone finished eating before I got the chance to speak to Porn.

  “Where is Pom?” Porn slowly shook her head and was slow in answering me. My heart was sinking even before she spoke.

  “I’m sorry. Pom went back to Bangkok early this morning.”

  “What!”

  “Her boyfriend came to collect her.”

  “She has a boyfriend?”

  “Yes, but she not really love him. I only know yesterday that she has a boyfriend. He come from rich family, but I know she not really love him. I think she loves you. She always has. I think that she wanted you to tell her if you loved her too or not.”

  “Oh, my God!”

  “Do you love Pom?”

  “Yes. I have always loved her. What can I do Porn?”

  “If you love her you have to go and tell her, before she marry the other man.”

  “She is going to marry him?”

  “He asked her last night. That is why he came to get her. He wants to take her home to meet his family and arrange a wedding before she goes to university. I am sure that he is not the man to make her happy. I think you should go and tell her that you love her.”

  “What about the temple?”

  “I’ll take care of it until you can sort out a replacement monk. We all love you, but now it’s time to do something for yourself. You need to live your life before it’s too late.”

  “How can I find Pom?”

  Porn found the pocket in her jacket with a shaking arthritic hand and pulled out a scribbled note. She handed it to me.

  “This is the address of her boyfriend’s family.”

  “I’ve got no clothes to wear. I’ve only got my robes. If I’m not a monk anymore I need clothes and I haven’t got any.”

  “I’ll get you some clothes. You go and pack your things.”

  “I’ve only got a razor and a toothbrush.”

  “Well, go and drink some tea. I’ll get some clothes and a bag from people in the village. I know that everyone will want to help.”

  I made myself a 3in1 coffee and sat in the temple and drank it. I also took the time to meditate. I was making a big decision in my life and I had never been very good at making decisions. Everything in my life had always turned out wrong, but this time I knew in my heart that I had to find Pom. I loved her and, in some way, I had no choice to make. Once I changed out of my robes I would no longer be a monk.

  I saw Porn slowly making her way back into the temple. She was wearing her saddle and she had a small brown suitcase strapped on top of it. Half the village was following behind her. As they entered the temple I could see that some of the women and children were crying and I could feel their sadness in my heart. I loved these people. They were my family and I think that they had grown to love me too over the years. One of the men took the suitcase off Porn’s back and handed it to me. The suitcase was leather and I’m guessing that it was about 30 years older than I was. I opened it and there was a small pile of neatly folded clothes inside, which also looked older than me. One of the other ladies held out a clay pot and placed it on the floor in front of me. It was full of money that they had all collected between them. There must have been a few thousand baht in the pot, but I only needed a few hundred for the bus to Bangkok. I had a bank account and I was still getting money from the sales of the ‘Flower Girl’ book. I told them all that I only needed a small amount and I took 500 baht. One of the men was going to run me down the mountain and into Khanchanaburi City on his motorbike. They all watched me as I walked back to my room to get changed. The enormity of what I was about to do weighed heavily on me. I loved my simple life and I knew what I was doing. In the outside world I never seemed to understand anything, but I loved Pom more than I loved my simple life. One of the younger children shouted out;

  “Please don’
t go” as I entered my small room.

  I took out some of the clothes that the villagers had donated. They were old, but they were in good condition. The trouble was that I was 6’2” and the clothes had been donated to me by people who were mostly a foot shorter than me. The shirt sleeves were too short and I could only fasten two of the buttons over my chest. The shirt didn’t actually cover my belly. The trousers didn’t fasten properly either, but I could hold them up with a belt. They were again too short by about a foot. There was a pair of old boots in the case, but I couldn’t get my feet into them, so I decided to keep my sandals. I didn’t have a mirror so I wasn’t sure how I looked and maybe nobody would notice that the clothes were a bit small for me. When the villagers saw me nobody said anything, so I must have looked OK. One of the older men named Nok took me down the mountain on his motorbike and everyone waved me off as we drove out of the temple. It all happened so quickly. My new life had started. I think I was more scared than excited. I was used to living in the safety of the temple with people I knew. I had little skill or experience in dealing with strangers. It always seemed to end in misunderstands and mistakes. Most of the time it was my fault, but not always. Just like this time! Nok took me down into Khanchanaburi, but dropped me off at the wrong place to catch the bus to Bangkok. I didn’t know and I stood there for three hours for a bus that is supposed to leave every hour on the hour. It was just outside the city and there was nobody to ask. The amazing thing about life is that you never know what is coming around the corner. As I stood there sweating in the withering heat a new friend was coming around the corner for me, literally. The car that came around the corner was a very old Toyota. The sun had long ago faded the blue paintwork, and the rear registration plate was held onto the vehicle with black masking tape. The driver was a young looking farang with long hair. He was wearing sunglasses and reminded me of a young looking Johnny Depp. A red bandana was tied around his head. The car slowed down as he approached me where I stood against the post, which had turned out not to be a bus stop. I saw him leaning forward and taking a long hard look at me. He stopped next to me and wound the window down. A cloud of grey cigarette smoke drifted out of the window and it smelled funny, not like any cigarette smoke that I had smelt before. It wasn’t altogether unpleasant and sort of sweet smelling.